I have to admit that this morning, I licked the plate. All that was on it were grape tomatos, Spanish onions, 2 eggs and kosher salt. I knew the eggs weren't warm enough to make the true football-shaped French omelette, so I just made a regular omelette instead over low low heat. I have perfected the art, I think, of not having to use non-stick pans to cook anything without sticking. But back to this omelette so the egg went in after the onions began to sweat and the tomatoes shortly afterwards. And it didn't stick. none of it stuck to the pan. None of it had that unappetizing brown-ness to it (eggs were never meant to be golden brown.). The entire omelette was a sunny deep yellow - and all just cooked. The moistness of the egg never gave way to runniness and the just heated-through tomatoes were a pleasant burst of joy. Oh yes, did I mention the entire omelette was flipped ONCE and folded twice to make a perfect (oh yes perfecttt) omelette. I love cooking.

On the docket tonight: escargot, baby spinach leaves and a rose sauce over penne.

To the assholes who blasted a big hole in the Shiite temple this morning: You are MORONS. You do not realize what you have just done. You have guaranteed that your children and your children's children will be hunted down for generations to come and that Islam will be split forever. And for what? So that your shrivelled testicles can somehow feel "empowered" fighting your cause? Leave fucking monuments (especially ones that belong to your OWN religion) out of it. It was no less wrong when Buddha heads were cut off during the cultural revolution or when the Parthenon statues were destroyed by idiots who marched to "Onward Christian Soldiers." Score one for the home team. How fucking stupid can you be when you blow up your OWN religion's monuments??

That island is looking better and better every minute. Reading the Times leaves me foaming at the mouth more often than not, nowadays. I need to resolve to head blindly to the crossword instead of reading the As. Just the Arts section, please.

I am coming out of hibernation to comment on the "protests" in Muslim countries over the political cartoon of Prophet Mohammad originally printed by a few admittedly mentally feeble individuals in Europe.

The blame, however, mostly falls on the morons who are a) looting local shops, b) killing local people and c) finding an excuse to riot. Yes, I said it. These are fucking protests, idiots, these are RIOTS. I am one of the school which believes that spades should be identified as such and these so called "protests" (as delicately phrased by the ultra left-wing Times) are just an excuse for hoodlums to destroy things. Grow the FUCK up and stop burning your own credibility.

I am sick of the world. I should just go buy one of those islands and read books. I would make forays into the common world to shop for things like Iberian ham and Burberry trenches and Fortnum tea. Then I would shuttle my children off to boarding school and retreat back to the isle for peace and quiet. God this will be a wonderful life.

"This coyness, this reserve, is, I always think, an intrinsic part of being British," he said. "We are understated. We don't do flags on the front lawn."